As a baby Jaden was very high maintenance. He was very colicky and the suggestions were gripe water, different bottles, and massages. None worked. I just looked forward to the few months away when he would grow out of it. I couldn't go anywhere. He always had a screaming fit and I always felt like he was a ticking time bomb. I was desperate to get any time with peace and quite. Jason was always gone. After starting his job at the sweat-shop law firm he left at 6:00 AM and came home anytime from 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM.
I remember at Jaden's 5 month check up my doctor commented on how this is the age that babies are so much fun. I remember thinking "What is she talking about?"
Jaden was a screamer and still is but the concern set in at about 11 months when comparing him to other babies his age he wasn't saying any words, waving, or responding to his name when I called it. He seemed not to want to pay attention. I also wondered if 11-month-olds knew the concept of ignoring.
My doctor in New York was concerned. I remember lying to him saying he knew two words... but he didn't. I lied because I didn't want to believe something was wrong with Jaden. Denial is a real thing. Even in denial I shed tears out a frustration and despair as I worked with Jaden to get his attention and to say any word or sound I made. Jaden did say a couple words around 12 to 18 months but then he would never say them again. I thought I'd give him some time. He is just a late bloomer.
We moved to Utah to be near family and also to improve Jason's work hours. It was a smart move hindsight to what was in our near future. At 22 months I went to a pediatrician here and told him my concerns. He said Jaden was just choosing to ignore and was being a two-year-old. I was relieved. It gave me hope that he was okay. But I still had a feeling something was wrong and that is what kept me asking questions. So I got his hearing checked and learned he could hear just fine. With those results I went to the school district to get him speech therapy.
A couple months went by and I felt there was no improvement with his speech and his behavior was getting worse. The screaming had intensified and his tantrums turned in to destructive stampedes around the house. Chairs, toys, dishes, food, and any object he could get a hold of were thrown or tipped over. Even his little sister, Brinn, was the object to express his anger and frustration on. I was deeply concerned, frustrated, and desperate for any help for this behavior.
I was talking to my sister Kristie. Her oldest boy has autism too along with other health complications because of a stressful delivery. She told me Jaden sounds like another autistic boy she knew and that I should get him tested.
I still didn't want to believe something could be wrong. I wanted to hold onto that hope that this was something he would grow out of, but I had a feeling that there was something wrong no matter what I wanted to believe.
So I did my own research on the internet about autism and found a list of symptoms that fit Jaden's description. They are as follows:
-He doesn't have imaginative play. He only organizes and stacks his toys.
-He is very attached to a toy. His stuffed lion to be exact.
-It is hard to get eye contact with him. At times he refuses to look at you while other times he gives it freely.
-He doesn't like strangers and has a melt down when he is surrounded by people he doesn't know. Church is a joke to go to. Our weekly seats are in the foyer.
-He is very huggy and loves to be touched. I didn't think this was a symptom but it is along with not wanting to be touched. I guess moderation is the key for a normal diagnosis.
-He doesn't respond to simple commands. It seems like he is ignoring me.
-At times he squeezes hard when he gives hugs or touches things with intensity. This is because of his sensory issues with touch. His sense of touch may not be as strong as normal kids or it may be stronger.
-Also tantrums, frustration, anger, and screaming are some symptoms.
There are many symptoms for autism. It is said that if you meet one autistic person you have only met one autistic person. That is why autism is a spectrum disorder. There is a wide spectrum they can fall on and no one person is the same.
So after doing this checklist I knew this was the monster I was facing. Both Jason and I cried for the loss of our son's normal future. For the kids who will refuse to play with him. For the family we hoped he would have in the future. And for all the opportunities that we dreamed and hoped for him. But at the same time I was relieved to know what the problem was and that I knew where to start to try and help Jaden.
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