So I had an interesting conversation today.
A window washer came to my door today (and this is not a joke) and wanted to wash all my windows for a hefty price. I told him we were selling our house (as I pointed to the for sale sign in my front yard) and said we were a little tight on money. He asked what I could afford and then I told him he wouldn't come back if I told him. I then explained why we were selling the house and that all our money was going to our autistic kids.
He asked if my kids were the 'smart autistic kids' and I explained 'no they are like most autistic children.'
Then he proceeded to tell me that "Autism is the coolest thing to have."
Was he serious? I stood there to see if he was joking. I remembered the destructive tantrums the day I realized that not just one but both my kids were autistic and the crying I went through because I knew that both my love bugs may have a hard childhood and a dependent adulthood and they may not have the opportunity to have families of their own.
Then I kindly explained to my friendly window washer "You couldn't be more wrong."
...But then he decided he would wash my windows for $25 instead of $150...and they are pretty high windows.
9 comments:
Hi. I just came across your blog.
I have Asperger's Syndrome (a form of high functioning autism). I thought your blog was interesting because I have been raised to view autism as a blessing. My best friend's brother also has autism; one of my mother's friend's children has autism as well. I have also known several other people of varying ages with autism.
I know that raising children with autism can be very difficult (my mother has let me know that many times) but it's not the end of the world. Having autism, I know it's ups and downs from an intimate view. It can be really difficult having autism. Social behavior does not come natural and is not easily learned. Understanding what is going on seems to be lacking at times. Sensory overload is a pain, but the worst part of all would have to be the meltdowns. It's not only hard on everyone else - it hurts! It feels painful, and I personally hate it when it happens because I know I'm behaving oddly or hysterically but I can't stop. However, there are also many positive attributes autism brings, which is why my mother always says that autism is a blessing and that I'm lucky to have it (and no, I'm not talking about autistic savantism). For example: autistic people have memories twice as good as anyone else when it comes to storing data and facts; people with autism can dedicate vast amounts of time on one particular project or idea in a way that others without autism can't; people with autism are far more "to the point" and are more logically minded; people with autism tend to notice things that others don't while missing everything that everyone else can see (which is bad, but obviously has a good side); that's not even all of the good sides. I could go on and on. So while autism brings with it some difficulties, it also brings some good things, too.
Just to heighten your hopes, most people with autism (even some severe) can become independent some day. It all depends on how you, the parent, raise your child. With some work, your child will be able to live independently. It WILL take longer for autistic people to get there - there's no real way around that - and some may still be needing guidance from their parents well into their twenties. Some will never stop needing some degree of guidance, but can still live fairly independently. Also, most autistic people eventually get married, and many even have children of their own.
It's difficult raising an autistic child, but with work it will get better. You have to stress social rules and be there while they are a child so that they will learn how to behave normally. I can remember many times when I was crying because I didn't understand that my mother was teaching me how to behave normally, because I was behaving socially abnormally. Oh, and by normal I mean acceptable, because I am far from normal (I'm actually an artist, which people seem to think explains it for some reason). Anyway, you need to encourage the positive aspects of autism while teaching social behavior.
One thing to always keep in mind is that autistic people CANNOT learn social behavior. They memorize social behavior, like someone would memorize lines and movements for a play. I know because I'm the one learning. I program my mind to store the data to use. I memorize lines to say in certain situations. Autistic people depend on that, so you can't expect an autistic child to just "catch on." They never will. You have to explicity tell them. I remember being in junior high and my mother always telling me to start behaving more responsibly, and I'd say, "I don't know how! How can I know if you don't tell me?" It took her awhile to get it. Heck, I didn't even realize back then that that was strange. I never "picked up" what responsibility was simply by living. I needed someone to sit down and define it for me more explicitly than a dictionary would.
As long as you teach social behavior while keeping in mind how autistic people learn it, then your children should most likely be able to eventually become independent adults. It will take a long time, but they can get there with your help. It won't be easy, but it can be done.
Everyone has a choice to focus on the upsides or downsides of something. My family has chosen to focus on the upsides of autism, and actually my mom has said exactly what your window wiper person said, "Autism is awesome." She says it all the time. That's because she thinks about the benefits of autism (some of which I already outlined). Or someone could focus on the negative aspects, but who wants to do that? Not me. I know they are there, and so I work on the issues as best I can, but I know that's not all it's about.
Well I just thought I'd share my ideas since I have a form of autism and I thought maybe you'd be interested to hear a different side from an older person with autism. I'm no psychiatrist, but I think it has more value if an autistic person says something about autism than if a non-autistic says something because no one except those with autism can really know how it feels or what it's like to live with it. I know this is long but I hope you find it interesting.
I'm so sorry about all of these posts, I wrote everything out and didn't realize there was a letter limit. So I posted it by paragraph, except for the last one, which is two in one. I hope you don't mind. But I think you might be interested since I have autism. If not, sorry, and I'll delete them later. I'll check back some time to see if you want me to delete them.
There is this, too, which is interesting.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/us/autistic-and-seeking-a-place-in-an-adult-world.html?_r=1
It talks about the transition from childhood to adulthood in autistic people.
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